What He Really Wants for Father’s Day

 

We received so many great responses when we put this in our newsletter; we thought we'd republish it here.

I have a wonderful father, and I’m married to a guy who is also a first-rate dad, so I feel pretty fortunate to be surrounded by good male energy. My sons are not yet fathers, but when I mentioned to one of them that I’d be writing a Father’s Day article, he said, “Mom, you need to talk about how the father is the warrior.”

I don’t recall my husband or I having employed that word, but somehow he determined that dads need to take that posture of protector and provider. I found myself feeling extra proud of him that day.

What Fathers Really Want for Father’s Day

This brings me to what fathers really want for Father’s Day. I believe they want to be appreciated for their masculine ways. And although I was witness to the women’s movement and regard it as an important episode in history regarding issues such as equal pay, it also trained me and those of my generation in a demasculinization of men and masculinization of women.

I believe we’ve done a disservice to men (hence women and the family) in expecting men to behave more like women and for boys to be banned from playing war games and other manly pursuits. We have wussified men to the point that they are often confused as to what is expected of them. How untidy!

When our first son was little, I didn’t allow toy guns. I know. I know. Very silly of me. It didn’t take long before he began to nibble his toast into the shape of a gun and “shoot” us from across the breakfast table.

Then the next son came and the next, and I realized that the actions they demonstrated were not only normal but ideal for preparing them to become the protectors of the family and community. I soon grew to appreciate that my restrictions were foolhardy, so I adjusted my ways and began praising them for their ability to commandeer the bad guys.

Concomitantly, when men are permitted to take their masculinity into the arenas, they show a desire to defend. It allows women to settle back and immerse themselves in their womanly duties, such as raising the kids.

For isn’t a marriage like a corporation? The buildings and grounds department head needs to run buildings and grounds while the personnel department head is counted on to take care of the employee needs.  If the personnel department is constantly dabbling into the building and grounds department’s business, not only is she undermining his work, but she’s also not devoting enough energy to her own.
I like the old formula of a division of labor.

I know what you’re going to say: that there are women who can make more income than their husbands and men can raise the family at home just fine. And while I’m comforted that this wasn’t required in my family because I cherished being at home, I’m in wonder of those who can reverse the roles and make a go of it. For me, it would have been an additional weight on my family.

My Offer of a Father's Day Gift

So, allow me to offer my plan as to what to give the father of your children for this upcoming holiday besides a new tie or a pack of car wash coupons. My intention is to write a pledge in a homemade card and clarify how important his masculine ways are to my sons and me.

I will praise him for what he has accomplished to keep our family in a setting that sanctioned my making meals from scratch, homeschooling our children, wildcrafting the herbs around our home and studying homeopathy. My familial and personal goals would never have been met had he not provided the secure setting that fathers do so well.

The happiest of Father’s Days to all the dads out there who hold their heads high and view their responsibility as the family warrior. May your day be one of conquest!
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Joette Calabrese, HMC, CCH, has a passion for teaching moms (and respect for dads). Her methods are simple: clean living, nutrient-dense foods, staying away from the pediatrician’s office and knowing … really knowing … homeopathy.

You may recognize Joette’s name from her popular speaking presentations at the Annual WAPF Conferences and her column in Wise Traditions, The Homeopathy Journal. To learn some tips and tricks to keep your family’s health decisions where they belong (in your hands) go to her membership site. Or simply peruse her blog and archived copies of her popular newsletter.

Want to know if Joette wrote on a topic of interest for you? Use the search function in the upper right corner of the website to look for keywords of interest.